“Shalom, my name is Avichai Shiloh. Yesterday you wrote that envy ruined the life of Korach. Up until two years ago I was part of this. In fact, all of us are a part of this to some extent. My posts on the social networks were designed to show how “in demand” I was, and how successful I was, or in short: to make others envy me. But then I would sit and scroll down through the feed – and envy every person who appeared in it.”
“The stronger the envy I felt, the more frequent my own posts became, to give a fight. I rationalized self excuses such as: it is all for professional reasons, it is necessary and part of the marketing strategy. But frankly, my purpose was to make others envious of me. I felt like I was running after honor and respect, that I was not focused on what I had, but rather on what I was lacking, and the scariest of all – that I hated others who displayed a (seemingly) much greater success than mine. I would try everything to increase my popularity: displaying misery, making others laugh, being witty, baring my soul.
Today I am trying to get out of the race. I observe it from the sidelines, and the show is both amusing and worrying. People are willing to sell themselves, their souls and their children for a “Like”. I have a love-hate relationship with this tool, torn between the need to market my own “shows” and my desire not to envy others and not to make others envious. I fight my evil inclination.
This week’s Torah Portion (Korach) is, in my opinion, a good opportunity to talk about it with sincerity. We are jealous, we cause others to be jealous of us, and the mere awareness of this, the mere talking about this – already helps, and sets something within us free.
Originally posted on Sivan Rahav Meir’s facebook page.